THE THING ABOUT US : MAAF ZAHIR BATIN

What is Aidilfitri without asking for forgiveness for past our sins and mistakes, realized or unrealized from someone?

Grown ups, men and women alike, sobbed and cried when they performed the solemn age old tradition of salam mintak maaf zahir batin in the morning of Aidilfitri from their aging parents. Some slowly wiped their tears of regret with hujung tudung or selendang. Wife and husbands berlinang air mata, asked forgiveness from each other. Friends hugged their closest brother/ sister friends while shutting their eyes tight, feeling remorseful, begging and hoping their friends would have that compassion and a gracious heart to forgive them.

This same sombre ritual will be repeated year after year during Aidilfitri, by millions of us, in every house and mosque. The least a person would do during this time is to utter the 3 hopeful words of Maaf Zahir Batin while greeting the other person they met, while some others would simply say "kosong-kosong aaa", indicating they had forgiven the other persons sin and hope for a reciprocating gestures at the same time. Forgive and forget is the feeling of the moment.

It is an act of redemption, an attempt to purify one's soul. And hopefully these kind deeds will be rewarded in the afterlife.

With kepala ditunduk, jari disusun, tangan dihulur.............

I humbly seek forgiveness from those I have wronged.

MAAF ZAHIR BATIN

REVISITING THE CEREBRUM : COLLEGE LIFE - MINGGU SUAIKENAL

Shah Alam, January 1988.

I remember the day where I joined those people before me who had the privilege to further their studies in higher learning institutions. I was accepted by Institut Teknologi MARA (ITM), in January 1988. (Note: ITM has since changed its name to University Technology MARA (UiTM).

ITM practice semester system, and the academic year consists of two academic semesters. Semester I runs from July to December and Semester II from December to June. I was accepted to study there in Semester II, the January intake, 1988-1989. ITM is the only higher learning institutions which accepts new students in the middle of an academic year. I am not too sure, but I think ITM's January intake is to cater for those students who missed the boat in the July placement at higher learning institutions.

Registration was one week earlier for the new intake before all the other senior students returned to campus. The venue for me was at Dewan Sri Budiman (DSB), ITM main branch campus, Shah Alam. I went there alone, with no family members accompanying. With years of experiences doing everything myself at the boarding school, I guess its not a big deal for me.

There were long queues, nervous and confused faces all around me, obviously wondering what the hell to do, while the parents looked proud and excited. I went in the huge DSB hall and just followed the instruction given at the registration counter. After signing of what seems to be a lot of documents, we were ushered to pose for a picture for the student ITM ID card (Kad Matriks). I couldn't care less for my appearance, since I just wanted to get the registration over with. Of course its not a surprise when the photo turned out to be awful. The shit thing about that was, this is the photo that will be on my ID card for the rest of my life in ITM. Paid the college fee, bought the compulsory hodoh giler batik shirt, and was told to head out to Kolej Perindu, where all the male freshies will stay for the Orientation Week.

I heard a lot of stories about the dreaded reputation of Minggu Suaikenal for new students. I heard legendary bullying myth like that one student who's family jewel was tied to a rotating ceiling fan and how he had to keep running to ensure his valuable thing remained attached to its base. I heard stories where juniors was instructed to perform equally weird humiliating tasks and demoralizing stuff. Honestly, these stories did not bother me at all, considering I survived worse fate than that in my five years in an all boys boarding school. I remember thinking, the Orientation Week program should be nothing compared to what I experienced during my schooldays. This should be just like a walk in the park for me.

The Orientation Week was packed with motivational, induction program and religious lectures. Wearing songkok, the baju batik hodoh, with dark pants and shiny black shoes, we started at the crack of dawn and finished our day only around midnight. We were shown lecture halls, places and buildings that will become our hunting grounds for the next 3 years or so. It was really exhausting.

And then, theres the damn running. Pestered by the facilicators (OC) and at their constant urging, we ran to go to the library, ran to Menara, ran to the surau, ran to go everywhere. And if we were late, the OC did their very best to humiliate the unlucky students. Some of the girls could not control their tears and emotions cried openly after being yelled at in front of hundreds of other students.

"Oi budak, pekak ke apa,? Lari cepat! Lari cepat".
"Ni lambat ni pasal apa? Masuk ITM ni tak de nak malas-malas".
"Engko ingat ada driver nak hantar?".
"Manja cam ni tak yah masuk ITM la!".

After a week of non stop regimented activities and the repeated assault of college manifesto and policies, drummed into our brains, naturally we felt a little bit stressed out and tired. On the last day, after the usual running, I cursed the OC's under my short, gasping breath, "Sial betul, last day pun kena lari gak", giler ke apa?" One skinny, loudmouth OC overheard me cursing their species and proceeded to single me out giving me a long, almost one hour lecture in front of all others. I just stood there, blankly absorbing all the abusive words. When he's done, I looked him in the face and told him point blank, "Minggu Suaikenal ni power la, tengok power ke tak power lepas habis ni". At that time I really had enough of their abuses and was ready to pick up a fight, and couldnt care less about the would be consequences. Luckily (for me and for him) he understood my intention and mellowed down a bit after that, perhaps suddenly realizing that after the Orientation Week was over, he would be nothing more than another mere mortal student himself. (The OC did come to see me to offer his apology after Minggu Suaikenal, blaming the system to justify for his action, which prompted me to reject his explanation and appropriately told him to f**k off).

(Of the facilitators. Seriously, I really could not understand why some of them felt the need to yell and scream in our ears. We knew who was in charge. Why the need to exert and show off the authority? We were new and of course we did not have the slightest idea what to do and where to go, but we were definately not stupid or brain dead. We were not prisoners of war either and that was, definitely not a POW camp).

At the end of the Orientation Week, we were assigned to the dormitories where we would stay for the rest of the semesters. I got to be in Block B, Kolej Jati, in Seksyen 2, Shah Alam, outside the campus ground.

3 years of this. Peanuts. No problem.

Or so I thought.

AKULA WAS HERE - KOTA BHARU, KELANTAN

The last time I went to Kota Bharu, Kelantan was 13 years ago. So much has change since then.

It would be an interesting place to take pictures, if I had not forget to bring my camera battery with me in the rush of booking airplane tickets and packing.

Its not easy to find a replacement battery and its charger for my Nikon D70s especially in Kota Bharu, and on Chinese New Year holiday weekend, since all shops and outlets were closed. "Bateri kamero lamo nih. Tak tahu ado dok" was the standard reply I got from a few kedai gambar that stays opened. *Sigh*... its confirmed. My Nikon D70s is old!

I manage to find one on the third day, after a friend who's well connected in Kota Bharu persuaded his Chinese pal (who happened to own a camera outlet) to open its holiday doors just for me.

Lesson learned. Dont forget to bring your camera, (AND THE BATTERY, AND THE CHARGER!)

With little time left on my itinerary, and in between organizing every night tahlil and settling hal-hal peninggalan my late father, these are some shots I manage to capture.

Please dont ask me the contact details of the aweks. I dont have them, really. :)

AL FATIHAH

Al Fatihah.

My father passed away last Thursday and I am now back in Malaysia for ziarah.

I wish to say thank you for your warm and heartfelt support, encouragement and prayers. All of you are true friends who did not hesitate to lend a helping hand in my time of needs.

How I wish I could repay all your kindness and sympathies you had shown me.

Thank you for the abundance of Al Fatihah's for arwah too. I really appreciate that.

I am my father's son.

-Akula-

DAY 24

Day 21

I cant say that I am off cigarette, since the urges and cravings are still there, but in less frequency compared to when I first tried to quit exactly 21 days ago, more or less. I would describe it as manageable. I would delay the need to smoke a little bit when it hit my nicotine deprived brain, while making myself busy with something else until its gone.

I noticed that there are times when the craving is so strong . i.e :-

1. Right after waking up from the slumber in the morning.

The first thing I usually do when I wake up in the morning, is to reach for my cigarette and lighter, and have the first smoke of the day before anything else. What I did to quit this habit was to delay it until at least after my morning jog (which is about 2 hours after I wake up). Previously, its one right after waking up, one or two while I did you know what, one before I started jogging, and another after that. I gradually phased it out, over the last 21 days.

2. After lunch or dinner.

I would categorized myself as kuat makan cili especially cili api. As ulam. But since quitting, I ate less hot food, sambal and cili api. I dont know, but having a smoke after eating something felt like the nicest feeling in the world. Ada kick. Now, I sip hot, plain water to kill the craving. It works.

3. Working time

Self disciplined. I smoked in my office all the time, even though its designated as a non smoking building. Couldnt care less about the regulation. But now, I used it to deter myself from smoking. meaning if I want to smoke I have to go down the smoking area outside. So I tell myself, its not worth the effort to walk out there in the cold just to have a nicotine fix. So far so good.

Surprisingly, I dont mind if people are having their nicotine fix in front of me. I am not at all attracted. Of course, cigarette smoking friends would offer, tease and tried to coax me (being wonderful friends of course, no doubt contributing in training me to build up my resistance to cigarette), but honestly I did not crave for it at all. Having been a chain smoker, for the past 26 years of my life, I would think that resisting my friends would be the ultimate battle of all. Well, I found out its not the case at all. I fount that its harder for me to fight my own craving than friends taunting. Really surprised by this.

THE THING ABOUT US : WHY THE HELL I AM DOING THIS?

I have a friend.

Recently he complained about having headaches all the time and chest pains. He went to see a doctor and was diagnosed as suffering from high blood pressure and high cholesterol. The chest pains turns out to be panic attacks.

We talked about it.

I told him that maybe its time to start exercising. Told him my story, of how I did it. He said he will try.

2 months ago, we had the same conversation abut his health. Again complained about his high blood pressure. I asked him if he had started exercising, and he told me that he dont have time to do it.

About a week ago, we chatted again, and again he complained of the same thing.

Akula's friend :"Ah, aku sibuk sangat, tak de masa nak buat."

Risking my friendship, I told him ;

"Bro, anak hang semua mengiak-ngiak lagi. Yang kecik tak sampai setahun pun. Kalau ler takdir hang pendek umur sebab masalah kesihatan hang ni, apa nak jadi dengan anak bini hang. Kalau hang kiok kira oraitlah, itu masalah hang dengan Tuhan dalam kubur. Ni yang tinggal, anak-anak kecik mengiak, kalau bini kerja kira orait lah jugak, kalau tak kerja, sapa nak bagi makan? Hang nak biar anak hang besar tak de bapak? Kalau anak hang pompuan nak kawin nanti, hang tak nak rasa nak nikahkan anak hang? Kalau hang tak buat untuk diri hang, at least pikir anak-anak hang. Kita umur sama bro, sekarang masa generasi kita pulak yang jalan, tengok member-member kita yang dah meninggal , 42, jalan, 40, jalan, 38, stroke, jadi agar-agar. Yang sengsara sapa? Bukan anak bini? Kalau hang exercise, peh tu padam jugak, at least hang dah try the best yang hang buleh, which is more better dari duduk diam, makan ubat, serah pada nasib."

He was upset with what I said. We did not chat since.

Today, I heard that he still complains about his high blood pressure.

My point here, is that I can only offer advices. Thats it. Thats all I can do. The will to change must come from him. Only he, himself can make it happen. He is lucky though, because he still have friends whom he could count on to give encouragement and support. When I did it a year ago, mocking remarks were thrown at my way, except for a few true friends who believed I could do it.

The thing with all this is, I really want to be there and feels proud when my daughters graduates from school. I want to be there when my daughters tells me they meet someone and falls in love. I want to be the father who gives away his daughters on their wedding day. And one fine day, I hope they'll tell me that they are really proud to have me as a father.

I can never do all that, if I do not take care of my health, being 41 years old and a chain smoker. Yes, its true that I manage to loose weight and are exercising regularly, but I can do more.

I am now at the second phase of my goal to change my lifestyle to become healthier. You might by now know what I am referring too. I am quitting cigarette after having been slaved by it for the last 26 years.

I gradually lessened my cigarette intake from an average of 36 sticks per day last 2 weeks, to 8-9 sticks last week. This week, I manage to reduce it further to an average of 5-6 sticks per day. I no longer bring a pack of ciggarette and a lighter with me, wherever I go.

I aim to be free of cigarette completely in the next few weeks. Wish me luck!

As for that friend of mine, I do hope I insulted him enough to make him think.

THE THING ABOUT US - LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL

DAY 6

Life is never a white and black thing. Never A is A or B is B. Mathematical formula's dont mean shit in life.

I think, thats exactly what makes life beautiful.

It would be a regimented, boring and too routine if we know whats next in store for us. We will be emotionless. Prepared, of course, but let me repeat it again....... emotionless.

How dull would life be then?

I think, life's challenges and mistakes were specifically designed so that we could analyze, assess and learned from it. And so are its high points. All these, should make us better informed and wiser.

That is, if we take heed of it all. Otherwise we are a mere damned fool.

I would say, that the best way to confront whatever life has in its arsenal is to face it head on. A little bit of attitude do helps.

So keep our heads up high.

F**k em all!

Note: Akula is having a Nicotine Withdrawal Syndrome. Please do forgive the mindless rantings and the language. :)

Chain smokers are affected much more than occasional or social smokers. Generally, these people tend to have a smoke as the first task in the morning or during coffee breaks, and it becomes highly difficult for them when they have to live without it. People tend to suffer from loss of concentration, restlessness, panting and perspiration, tension, insomnia, dizziness, irregular sleeping patterns, lowering levels of physical activity, constant fatigue and drowsiness, increased appetite as well as frequent headaches. Some people even feel the consequence while cutting down the frequency of smoking or the number of smokes during the day. The other common symptoms include anger, depression, anxiety and impaired performance level.

DAY ONE

4.19 pm, 8 hours after slap banging it at the back of my shoulder. Counting 4.

BUTT SMASHING TIME!

Its not my intention to neglect this blog.

I am nursing an injury. A broken tail bone, to be exact. Sitting on a chair is really uncomfortable and sometimes painful. So thats why I did not update this blog for quite sometime.

I picked up the injury while sledding. My sled (and my butt) were smashed up by an unseen rock on a hill slope. The weather was at its worse (- 12 C) and a snow blizzard was moving in at that time, peppering our group with hard, falling snows.

Drove all the way back to Geneva from St Cergue, with broken tail bone (which I didnt know it yet at that time) and all. Didnt even think of going to the hospital and only manage to do so 3 days after it happened.

Not that I am tough, but I had a flu at the same time too. So I opted to lay in bed until I recovered a bit. Popped some under the counter painkiller tablets to counter the pain.

When I finally went to see a doctor, he diagnosed that I had a broken tailbone and had to rest for 6 -10 weeks. And no jogging for 3 weeks.

Oh well.....I sort of got bored of waiting for it to heal.

I started jogging again exactly a week after I had my butt smashed.

Hehe.

READING

Reading is a passion.

I will read about anything and any subject matters, be it economics, politics, social, religious, whatever. Over the years I manage to build up quite a collection, overcrowding the shelves in a couple of book racks where I kept them.

Of the personal things that I own, books are very precious to me. I rarely let other people borrow them since I am a little bit fussy about it. I dont have any problem to lend other things but when it come to books, I will definitely think twice about letting other people getting their hands on it.

Theres this one time, back in Malaysia, a visitor to my house was shocked to see my book collection. She remarked "Nak muntah tengok buku banyak", to which I venomously countered; "Ah! ingat nak muntah sebab kena bunting". She ceased to speak to me since. (BTW, what is it about these people coming to our house and passed unwanted negative comments and remarks about our stuff? Please, have some dignity to respect other people's things la. I am really uncomfortable with that kind of character. I mean, I wont do that if I am at other people's dwelling. Its not my house, and not my stuff, and I am pretty sure I don't have the right to comment about other people's preference.).

I think I was deeply influenced by my late uncle's and grandfather's love for reading. From my uncle's collection I read Sejarah Melayu, Tulang-tulang Berserakan, Keluarga Gerilya, Hikayat Inderapura, Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa, Raja Haji, a lot of Malay literature books. I was introduced to Readers Digest and Mastika (the old version) with my grandfathers' collection. Both were teachers, so I guess, maybe thats sort of why they like to read. Both too, were idealist and were quite active socially in their community. Come to think of it, I think its a true fact that those in teaching profession reads a lot.

My favourite author then, was (and still is) Enid Blyton. Famous Five, Secret Seven, The Adventure Series and her other books were constantly borrowed from Ipoh's Perpustakaan Tun Abdul Razak and the school's library. Other books were Alfred Hicthcock's - Tiga Penyiasat (The Three Investigators Series), Hardy Boys, Nancy Drews, Willard Prices Adventure Series to name a few. Tin Tin is still cool to read until now. All these books were translated to Malay from English and were very popular back then.

Theres also this Encyclopedia Britannica that my parents bought. I think they could not resist that very persistent salesperson sales pitch and ended up buying the whole volume. I read through that lot too, although I must confessed I could not even remember a single word of whatever they printed in there now.

Money was a little bit tight at that time, and I do not have enough financial resources to buy books and always have to depend on the local library to supply me with the reading materials that I need. Sometimes I dont even have enough for tambang bas to go to the library in town. I would then hang out with my friends at this one kedai runcit mamak in Gunung Rapat and read the various Marvel comics and magazines there. The Malay ones usually on display were Bujal, Gila-gila, and I think there is also Bambino. The mamak kedai was always pissed off at us, because by reading them, the otherwise sellable items were ruined. Soon after, they sealed the magazines in a see through plastic cover, (a practice presently adopted by bookstores and street newspaper vendors) to discourage our not-buying-just-reading habit.

A teacher told me, if I want to improve my command of English, the best way to do it is to read printed English language materials. Heeding his advice, I latched on Readers Digest, The Star and New Straits Times and an Oxford Dictionary to help me with words that I dont understand. I am too lazy to pay attention to the grammars then and it shows in my blog postings. Still confuse about it to this day, I might add.

When I attended college and moved to Shah Alam, a second hand bookstore in Central Market, Kuala Lumpur became a favourite place to get books. In a sort of sewa buku type of arrangement, you pay a small amount of money and the book is yours to keep. Return it back to the bookstore and they will give your money back minus RM 2-3 for the rent. I dont know if the bookstore is still there though.

By this time, my interest graduated to those heavy topic stuff, non fiction, history and autobiography mostly, and learned that girls were crazy with Mills and Boons. Of course, taking advantage of the presented opportunity, I tried to pick up girls in bookstores, sadly to no avail. It seems like those Mills and Boons fans were totally into tall, dark and handsome guys, portrayed religiously by Mills and Boons authors as the perfect specimen of men. Tall and dark I am, but never handsome, so my chances of getting to know those Mills and Boons girls were swept down the drain even before I opened my mouth.

Those Malay novels published by Creative Enterprise (the Gila-gila company) were a hit with the Malay public back then. I love Warisan by A Talib Hassan, Sindora, and Tangisan Bulan Madu by Shamsiah Mohd Noor, and books by Ahadiat Akashah to name a few. In the twice a month published Gila-Gila, there were this short, funny and thought provoking articles, written by Akula M.D about everyday happenings and life, Matt Romeo on the adventures of a playboy and Minah Leter, err.... well, she leter about everything under the sun, plus the kitchen sink.

(READERS BEWARE! If you are a religious zealot or if you are afraid your pure soul and brain will be contaminated by my next following sentences, PLEASE STOP READING NOW! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!)

I should mention here, apart from discussions with friends, reading did expose my innocent young mind to the taboo world of sexuality. Malay porn books like Mona Gersang, Permata Yang Hilang and Kehausan were high in demand and were discreetly available and sold. Although, I would argue that Permata Yang Hilang was not actually porn. It was actually a collection of referrences, suggestions and practical advice on sex. With drawings and illustrations. Since these kind of books were very hard to get, a friend of mine actually made a lot of money by making photocopies and selling it. (Talk about acute business sense. He is a successful businessman now, by the way). We do not have Internet back then, mind you, so we feed our inquisitive mind the secret of sexuality by reading about it.

Reading like I said, for me is a passion. On average I read about 2 -3 books a week. I just finished reading I Am Ozzy, by Ozzy Osbourne which is really, really funny, and are well into the next one, Madoff - The Man Who Stole 65 Billions which I think would be a very interesting book.

Beside being a cheap and accessible tool to gain knowledge and information, reading opened up the whole wide world to me. It brought the sense of adventure, with thrills and excitements to the mind of a lower middle class kid like me back then, who could hardly afford to go anywhere.

FACING OUR FEAR

I hate towers and high places.

Theres this time when I went to the Calgary Tower, in Calgary, Canada.

On the very top of the tower, inside the viewing area, theres a section of the floor, which was made from glass. Meaning, you can see all the way straight down to the street level, without any obstruction.

Upon seeing that, and since I thought that its kind of interesting to feel what its like to stand on the glass floor, coupled with the thinking that perhaps its the best time to conquer my fear of heights, I decided to try and to get on it. Calmed myself, and fought my feeling of anxiety and nervousness. Took me a while debating with myself whether I should do it. Finally, after few long pauses, with a `f**k it, lets do this!' attitude in my head, I took a deep breath and step on the glass floor.

Well, seriously, its actually more like I was down on my all fours and crawled on the glass. To view the street from that very high place, really scared me. But I did it.


I was elated and felt very pleased with myself albeit the crawling thing when suddenly, these 2 kids joined me on the glass floor and started jumping up and down without even the slightest fear of height. (By the way, it is not advisable to drop down on all four limbs in a public area, since people gave me strange looks, with judging eyes). Those kids action jolted me back to my acrophobia state of mind and I quickly retreated to the safety of the non glass floors, breathing a heavy sigh of relief. My colleagues were laughing hysterically.

I looked at them and said " Oh, thats right. You guys will surely burn in hell".

oooooooOOOOOOooooooo

According to Wikipedia, fear of heights is;

"Acrophobia can be dangerous, as sufferers can experience a panic attack in a high place and become too agitated to get themselves down safely."

Like I said, I have this nagging fear of heights.

The Wikipedia definition, and while I am not the most extreme case, more or less describe what I feel whenever I am at very high places.

The thing about it is this, I dont feel any fear if I am at the highest point INSIDE a tall building, on an airplane, or on a mountain. What fear me the most is when I can see that vertical long way down from the point where I am standing at. I will then, be imagining all sorts of thing that can happen to me if I fall down. In that kind of situation, I would always think that if I make a wrong move, I will fall and, its really a long way before I hit the ground, splattered . In those kind of places, I will usually stay away from the edges.

I hate to ride in those glass elevators usually found on the side of a very tall building, which of course other than its main function, to get us up there, is to provide us the enjoyment of viewing a city's beautiful sight and sky line. Usually, I won't have time to leisurely enjoy the view since I'll be busy calming myself down and at the same time gripping the handling beam as tightly as I could, with my fake, nervous smile.

Last 2 weeks, I was instructed by my superior to do a recce work in Chamonix, Mont Blanc. I already heard stories about the route there from Geneva, where a section of the road includes a very high bridge crossing a valley up to a mountain.

"I felt like I was driving on top of a cloud".
"Usually I have no fear of heights, but that bridge really scared the shit out of me".
"I will drive right in middle of the bridge when there is no other cars, to avoid seeing the long way to the ground".

Those were the descriptions of that particular bridge by friends who had been to Chamonix.

I was thinking, if these people were scared to drive on that thing and they are not the kind to fear heights, what that would do to me? I definitely dont want to drive on it myself.

But work is work regardless, so I took the easy way out. I hired a local driver to drive me there. And off we went. After half and hour drive from Geneva, Ahmad pointed out the bridge to me. It was a long, winding and damn it, its really high. I could feel tinge of nervousness crept inside my stomach, tightening its hold. And before we knew it, we were already on the bridge. Ahmad drove slowly but never took his eyes of the road, chatting away the minutes. I was clinging to my seat. After what seems like eternity to me, we were off the bridge. I breathed a sigh of relief, turned around and snapped a few pictures.

Of course, needless to say, I survived the ordeal. Its not a pleasant experience for me and I still did not conquer my fear of heights. The thing is I could easily avoid going there by presenting facts easily obtained information from the Internet. But nothing beats the real thing. I just have to see and experience it myself.

Like the glass floor thing in Calgary Tower, I need to face up to my fear every now and then. Otherwise, I am sure I'll miss a lot of interesting places and experiences.

The thing about all this is, in our life, there are times when we need to face our deepest fears. We may not easily get over it and it may stay and lingers with us all our life, but at least we know we can always give our best shot to overcome it every time we need to.

As for me, the very next on my list to face my fear of heights, if I ever have the opportunity, will be tallest building in the world, Burj Dubai.

But I'll settle for something less, like Petronas Tower's bridge as I have yet to be on it, anyway.

:0

THE BIG GREAT BELLY

My big, jelly like pot bellied stomach was constantly abused by my 3 daughters. It started right from the day they were born and lasted until early this year.

Perhaps I may be at fault here too since the thing was, I love to cradle my daughters, in their infant and toddler years, on my big belly, lulling them to sleep. Each one of them.

Growing up, I think they sort of adopted my belly to be their plaything. They jumped, pinched, hide their fingers inside my deep belly button hole, bit the poor thing when they were teething, and did all imaginable things as toddlers would have. They jiggled and rearranged it so it become an angry ocean in a violent storm. They pretended that its a quicksand, swallowing their little fingers to its depth, shrieking and giggling a sigh of relief whenever their tiny fingers survived the horrific ordeal. They turned it into an imaginary birthday cake or a big jelly, enough to serve everybody at their parties.

I did get angry at my daughters sometimes for their abusive behavior. But always only for a short while.

And then there were those times, when they were upset and crying, they would crawled up the belly mountain and somehow they were calmed down by just lying on it. It became their own comfort zone, land of peace and security. They slept on it with their mouth opened wide and I am sure they dreamt of the nicest dreams. They told their mother that my big, great belly is the best thing in the world.

One night last May, the youngest one with her sleepy eyes came to take her position on my belly, as usual to sleep on it. I could see she was restless and forever trying to adjust her little frame to a comfortable position on my belly. After a little while, frustrated, she sat up suddenly, looked me in the eyes and said;

"Abah, I dont like your tummy anymore, its not the same like before, and I cannot make it into a big jelly like always".

I told her that it has since shrunk because of I lost weight.

"Can you exercise and keep your big tummy?"

I didnt say anything, and shushed her to sleep. I suddenly realize that lately, their favourite thing in the world was not given enough attention as what they usually did. Perhaps they grew out of it.

That night, looking at her face, while she shifted endlessly on the once great belly, I suddenly felt I was missing something.

I miss those belly time with my daughters.

CANON EOS 5D MARK II

If I have money to spare right now, I would definitely drop everything and buy the Canon EOS Mark II 5D.

The thing is, I am beginning to like Canon DSLR cameras, after witnessing the visible quality difference of pictures taken by series of Canon DSLR cameras owned by my friends, as compared to my own Nikon D70s. I have to say, pics by Canon DSLR cameras projects more clarity and captures almost every details available at that moment of the particular shot.


Researching hundeds of reviews on the Internet, reveals the superior advantage Canon DSLRs had over Nikons.

The problem with that is, I have invested a lot on my Nikon D70s. 3 different zoom lens, speedlights and various other accessories which I acquired over the years. If ever I decide to buy a Canon DSLR, I would have to start spending quite a bit of money again.

Canon EOS 5D Mark II costs around CHF 4,999.00 which translate to about RM 16,000.00. Its a damn lot of money. With that amount of cash, alternatively, people can use it as a down payment of a decent house, or a car, or buy 3 kapchais, or to buat belanja hantaran. But, of course, all that will not measure up to the 21 megapixels, 1080p video, 3.0" VGA LCD, Live view, and higher capacity battery offered by the Canon EOS 5D Mark II, that is, if your die hard interest is all about taking awesome pictures.

Admittingly, I have to reluctantly conclude, its not that Nikon DLSR cameras are not great, its just that Canon DSLR cameras are better.

Now, if you want to help me out, I am accepting cash donation.

:)

THE CLOSE ENCOUNTER WITH THE THIRD KIND

So there I was, chatting with a friend, at my big boss Hari Raya Open house when a guy approached me.

The man : " You Kampung Melayu Geneva?"

I was startled with the question. I shot a look at the friend I was chatting with and burst out laughing. I turned to the guy and said to him with a smile.

Akula: So you read it?
The man: Yes, I was in fact googling about Geneva before I came to Switzerland. Thats when I came across your blog. BTW you should write more.
Akula : Hehe, I think I should too.

What I dont know was that he had been asking other guests who's based in Geneva whether or not they are the one who owns Kampung Melayu Geneva. Another friend told me that later.

The other day, I attended a function in Bern, when a colleague (who I know she dont have any idea that I have blog) shot me a remark.

Lady colleague: I know your secret !

Now, when somebody said something like that in your face, it must mean that somehow and some way, your irresponsible but really fun as hell past has finally caught up with you (not that I am implying I had an irresponsible but really fun as hell past, mind you, hehe).

Akula (nervously) : I think I dont have a secret.
Lady colleague: I read your blog.
Akula (with relief) : Aaaah, THAT secret.

It turned out her friend was (and still is) a fan of Nasi Lemak and Nescafe Tarik, and continued to read my ramblings in Kampung Melayu Geneva.

Back in Malaysia, this one time, I was having a Teh Tarik conversation with a fellow blogger, when a young lady, sitting at a table behind ours with a male friend, turned her head around towards us, smiled and said, "So you are Akula! And you are (name censored)!. I know its you guys! Woo! Unbelievable!". We just nodded our head acknowledging her statement and smiled back at her (and her I-dont-have-a-clue male friend).

Well, let me just say that I am always glad whenever I stumbled upon a chance to meet someone I dont know, who told me that they read my blog. But even so, I really dont think I am famous or in that sense, popular like other prominent bloggers. If you guys enjoyed my writings, I am truly flattered and thankful. I am just relating my life experiences and what I thought, from my point of view. And if you dont like what I wrote and dont agree with my views, seriously, I really dont mind.

And please, no groupies or stalkers, okay.

OF FATHERHOOD, 3 LITTLE PRINCESSES AND AN AUDIO VIDEO CONFESSION

When I was still single, I was totally into the audio video, home theatre thing. My old Civic LX was fitted with the finest and latest CD audio component, since at that time I was spending way a lot of time travelling.

I had 2 systems in my home. For my listening pleasure I had an Audio Lab amp, Marantz CD and a Technic double casette deck player, pair of Infinity floor standing speaker for playing cds and cassettes. For movie playback, I had a Sony Laser Disc for LDs, a Panasonic VHS for videos a VCD player (cant remember the model) for VCDs. An Onkyo AV Receiver and Paradigm surround speakers completed my home theatre set up.

And lots, lots of casettes, VCDs and CDs. LDs were so expensive back then. I think I owned perhaps 2 or three movie titles on LDs and usually rented other LD movies from a favourite video rental shop in Alor Setar.

I did not consider myself as an audiophile, but I know enough, and I used to keep track of the AV evolutions and happenings over those years.

Then marriage happened.

Following that, then , fatherhood showed up.

And somehow, slowly and surely, I drifted away from the audio video world. I found that I no longer have the pleasure and time to listen to musics and experienced movies at the full blast of a home theatre system. Driving my car while listening to booming sounds of heavy metals bands became a thing of the past. Babies on board.

My life was centered around my infant daughters. You know, the can't-make-any-noise-or-the-babies-will-wake-up-and-give-you-hell sort of stuff. The other thing was, I realized that I cannot win the fight for my rights to hear full blast music (as I usually did when I was single) with my love one. "Yes dear, I'll shut it off right now" was the only response I could offer when my love one reminded me that we have babies sleeping in the house whenever I tried to listen to some music or watching movies. It was indeed a losing battle. So I ditched my AV stuff to concentrate on the fatherhood routine and drills.

Only on rare occasions I had some moments and glimpses of the latest gadgets and happenings in the audio video world. My listening to music was reduced to hearing it from Ipod, which is great for exercising but not so if I really want to enjoy the details.

A few days ago I decided that my years of self impose exile from loud noises were now over since my youngest daughter is finally attending primary school.

I already have a Toshiba 42 inches Regza and I needed a good home theater system to go with that. I was looking for a system which can fit in a small room . After some research and test I decided to get the Philip Soundbar DVD Home Theatre HTS8100. Its an integrated 5.1 surround channel in a one piece system with a built in CD/ DVD player.


It has all the necessary HDMI, Optical, USB and digital input. A separate auxiliary input for MP3 links/ players, it can play music from any MP3 players as well. A FM tuner allows you to listen to favourite FM stations.

The soft touch screen on the control panel is an excellent and a very cool feature. The panel slides to the right revealing a hidden compartment to slot CD/DVD in for playback.


The best thing that surprised me was that it also came with a separate Ipod dock. Once connected, it play the songs, and you can also watched movies or video clips from your Ipod on the TV screen. This unit remote control also controlled the Ipod's functions, which I found very convenient.


Digital photos can be viewed on the TV via the USB input. Just plug in your USB drive, and its good to go.

This Philips Soundbar has a separate sub woofer unit to complete the system.


For this system review, you can check out the following website.

I was lucky in the sense that I bought this Philip Soundbar way below the normal price, as it was on offer. And on top of that I managed to get an Integrated TV Mounts with heavily discounted price, which is a perfect place for all my audio video components including my children game consoles.


I definitely am back!

I DID IT!

I FINALLY did it!

Hit my target weight last Thursday. Well its a bit over actually, at 79.9 kg.

As promised, and not at all bragging, the before and after pic.

10 months ago, 104 kg, sagging breast, over expanded belly, with all the glory.

No more perut terjuih.

THE SPEECH. ( You always have to have a speech la.)

I would like to thank my love one, who always believe that I could do it, even if sometimes she did not say it out loud. Thank you for your encouragement and patience with a hot headed, stressful, trying to loose weight husband. I love you!

Thank you to my daughters.

Along, who always asked me how much do I weight every week to check my progress.
Angah, who always said I can do it.
Chacha (the youngest one) , who always encouraged me with her own "You can do it, Abah!. You have to be healthy!"

To my friends.

Haji Z, Azizul, Man Kucing (my biking buddy) and the rest of my office colleagues and superiors in Malaysia.

E43St for the walk around PLCC.

Mr M and for giving a solid advice ' If you have it, use it!' and Mrs A for believing in me.

The NZ, Wangsa Maju, Teh Tarik Session mates. Bros, thanks for the encouragement.

My next door neighbour, the single girls who always scampered running into their house, whenever I came back with a serious a face from my exercise in the evening. (I was actually very tired girls, thats why the serious face. Hehe)

Dr. Guna who said `The choice is yours to make, either start exercise or risk all that coming to you'.

Those interesting people I met while doing my daily exercise routine.

The ex big biker (and also an ex smoker).
The lady with the family in front of PLCC whom I met every Sunday morning.
The Indonesian worker who never fail to say hello in PLCC whenever he saw me.
The polite salesgirl and salesman at Fitness Concept, Alamanda, Putrajaya.
The nice PLCC guards who I am sure, were wondering who is that crazy guy, walking around PLCC three times twice daily, wearing windbreaker even under the hot and shimmering sun.

The sponsors (I wish!)

GT Bicycles
Anakku Diapers
Apple Ipod Nano
Nike
Asics
Pagoda T shirts
Puma
Pro-Form
100 Plus

Those who were encouraged and inspired and started to exercise on their own, I am glad and forever humbled.

Special thanks for the Nasi Lemak And Nescafe Tarik readers and those who drop by here in this new blog.

And lastly, to those who doubted my intention, throwed insults and sniggered negative remarks and said I can't do it.

You can f**k the hell off!

FLOORED!

Sometimes its the odd and bizarre things that inspires us, or make us realize something that we should or should not do.

Like that song You Keep Me Hanging On by Kim Wilde did to me.

The thing is, I have been struggling to achieve my desired weight. Its been 2 weeks since I scaled 80.7 kg.

At that time I just need to shed another 0.7 kg to meet my goal. I dont know what happened since usually, loosing that much amount of body weight should not be a problem to me, since I did manage to loose about 20 kg since last November.

Its really a frustrating situation for me. And I was really in a foul mood for the last 2 weeks.

A friend told me that its always the last leg which is the hardest.

I have to admit that its getting really difficult to go out and exercise. And thats not because of lack of stamina either. Its really getting harder to put on the running shoes. I think I am at that point where since I know I can afford not to exercise for a day or two, I can take it easy.

Which in a way, hampered my overall progress.

Just now, I was running as usual when I heard that Kim Wilde song. Well, its just another 80s love song and I know its not one of my favourite since I dont remember it. But it made me think that I should also probably refocus and hang on to my goal. It made me realize that I am now preaching my yet to achieve success to everybody who asked me how I lost my weight, instead of concentrating to achieving it.

Which makes me feel really bad since I did not achieve anything yet. I think I am too busy getting proud of myself.

Riak.

That Kim Wilde song reminds me why I am doing this in the first place.

I need to wake up from that proud of myself shit and just humbly focus on my target.

SKETSA SEBUAH CINTA

Remember this piece by MAY?



Call me sentimental, or romantic even, but I think this song is one of the best rock kapak ballad ever.

HAPPY 11TH ANNIVERSARY!

HEALTH ISSUES : JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE

Those who followed the now defunct Nasi Lemak And Nescafe Tarik would remember that I am in the process of loosing weight.

A little bit of background story for those who dont have any idea what in the world I am writing about.

I have been trying to loose weight for the past 8 months, from November 2008, where at that time I stood heavy at 104 kg. I have high cholesterols, was diagnosed as at borderline diabetes and confirmed had gout. My doctor warned me that I need to change my lifestyles or risked facing a shitload of sickness in the coming years. I started to take medicine to control and reduce the high cholesterol level.

I took heed of his advices and started to exercise regularly. Twice a day, no breaks, rain or shine.

An ideal weight for me (1.77cm tall, 40 years old) should be around 75kg - 80 kg. And so that becomes my target.

My current weight now is at 80.7 kg.

Just a little bit more to go.

And of course, as in any good health related products promotions and advertisements (the obligatory before and after pics), I'll post it in this blog, very, very soon.

LIFE BEGINS AT 40.....

Or so they say.

I say its debatable. I am of the opinion that its more of a shrewd phrase invented by those who wanted deny the fact that they are actually entering their final lapse of life.

Lets face it, being a 40 year old means that we have lived for almost 3 1/4 of our life. It also means that, if we dont have what we want by the age of 40, theres only a little time left to achieve our dreams. That is, provided that we are not struck down by stroke or heart attacks or any other illness for that matter, which is a very common occurrence if we dont give a shit about our health.

Being in the forties should also mean that we are wise enough to make good decisions and be more mature in handling our everyday challenges, with 4 decades of life experiences in our bags to rely on.

A forty year old should be able to give intelligent counsel and advice to those in need (Friends, relatives, nieces and nephews included). Forty year olds are after all, the next in line to replace those wise old men before us, elders of their own generations.

Lets life begins at whatever suitable age we are comfortable with.

And with that, HAPPY 40TH BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Note: Akula celebrated his 40th year yesterday and accepts only cash for presents.